Looking forward to 2021

 "2020 24 hours to go," said the Ramones.  Now is the time to look back... or look forward.

I now have a trip to think about.  The flights to New York, March 2020 and to Oakland, May 2020 have transformed into a flight to Alaska Late Summer, 2021.  Cabins?, an RV?, a car?  Lots to research.  Working on optimization problems such as planning a trip (or winning a fantasy league or long ago developing a product for sale) might be my key to happiness.

I expect to have access to a vaccine sometime during the first half of 2021.  If not, the flights can move again.  Looking forward-- what would I like to do?-- feels healthy.  Some plans change, but it is positive for me to plan.

Representation

 In high school, I attended a summer program which looked at democratic representation from a mathematical standpoint.  As a 15 year old, I was to express an opinion on which method of apportionment was most fair.  Mathematics do not give a perfectly clear answer to that question so opinions on that question have some value.  How fair is the Electoral College system?  It is certainly a matter of opinion whether the two factors that should contribute to representation are statehood and population.  It seems to many that Idaho, Wyoming and Montana may be over-represented.

Aside from geography and population, how else might representation be determined?  Should there be representation based on other demographics-- age, race, income, education, area of study?  I could make the case for any of the above.  The more representative our representation is, the better they should represent us.  How does this work in practice?

Volunteers at Union Park District Council when I was there tended to be old, white, wealthy professionals who lived in houses.  The half who rent were not directly represented on the council.  People understood that we were not necessarily the same in all characteristics as those we represent but we pretended to represent them anyway.  Our failure, where we may have failed,  was in not having enough dialog with those in our neighborhoods with different opinions on subjects like development, transportation and how to make a business district successful.  Our failure, where we may have failed, was in not listening to enough of the voices of our diverse neighbors.

People did show up at meetings and did represent strong opinions.  People sometimes felt like they were the world's experts and therefore should be heard to the exclusion of others.  People sometimes felt like they were the impacted ones and everyone else was a fraud in a show.    People expressed ideas.  But, who showed up at the meetings?  

Most in the neighborhood had no idea that our council even existed.

Does adding people of color, younger people and people with different backgrounds improve the council?  It could.  The fundamental issue though is whether the representatives engage their diverse neighbors.  Justice Thomas checks the diversity box, but do his opinions represent diversity?

It feels like the US Senate, with all its 80 year olds, is less representative than it could be.  It feels like the Supreme Court is more cult than representative body as the Federalist Society demonstrates how a political fringe can dominate at governance. Most real people don't seem to identify as Republicans.  Most real people don't seem to identify as Democrats either.  How do you stock a neighborhood body such that it evaluates problems outside of a political lens?

If you could just choose twenty people at random to represent your neighborhood, you'd be better off in a sense.  Of course, of those twenty, you might not find even one willing to lead the organization.  If you do find a leader, you might find the willing leader is not a capable leader.

The problem with governance, whether at the neighborhood level or at the national level is accountability.   Though unrepresentative, the attorneys and other professionals have a deeper knowledge of organizations and process than many of us.  Also, people off the street willing to be held accountable for their neighborhood are rare.

The main issue once you do find people willing to accept the obligations of the role is lack of engagement in the broader community.  When people are tuned out, as most people usually are tuned out, organizations serve the privileged.  Unless people inside and outside the organization pay close attention, it is difficult to stop the focus from being those who want to focus on themselves at the expense of their neighbor.

People who care about institutions and ethics and accountability, George Washington-types, are what make democratic organizations work.

How would I make representation fair?  I don't think it is a math problem.  I think it is mostly a matter of creating good faith efforts toward making people aware of an organization's business.  District Councils strive the be ethical and equitable.  To demonstrate this, they need to document outreach.  Chuck Grassley might be known for extreme partisanship, but nonetheless, he continues to visit the 99 counties of Iowa regularly toward hearing varied points of view.  Organizations with people who focus on listening deserve credit, even from those who disagree.

If a representative organization  focuses on listening to people not generally heard, it is doing its job.

ET: The Extraterrestrial and its impact in 2020

 ET: The Extraterrestrial is on Netflix this month.  It was released in 1982 so maybe we don't remember everything about Steven Spielberg's follow-up to Jaws, Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Raiders of the Lost Ark.  What struck me first was the use of flashlights.  X Files, CSI and many other shows copied the use of those flashlights.  Do people remember the flashlight scenes from ET?  

The second notable feature is the soundtrack.  John Williams debuted as a creator of soundtracks in 1959 and composed soundtracks to several of the top films of the 1970s.  Dialog does not define this film, except maybe, "ET, phone home."   I bet the script is half the length of most films as Williams' sounds and music define most of the scenes.

Third, the cast is memorable as Drew Barrymore followed up with a significant career that people remember.

What is the other lasting impact of this and other Spielberg films?  

I wonder how they affected our politics.  

Here is a synopsis of ET.  

Elliot, at ten years old, discovers a stranded extra terrestrial who is fleeing scientists from the United States government.

Gert, his younger sister, teaches ET how to talk while Elliot continues to bond emotionally with the creature.  ET explains via a Buck Rogers comic that he wishes to reconnect with his family. 

Outside, Sprinter vans full of electronics are intercepting the conversations of the children.  

The family leaves.  Mysterious figures in astronaut suits break into the house.

Elliot scrounges for wires, a sawblade and batteries.  ET fashions a Speak-n-Spell connected to an umbrella which he places on a hilltop in the woods.

Well intentioned scientist/government agents are unrelenting.  But, Elliot and his friends and family miraculously prevail in the rescue of the cuddly alien.

Also fraying on our trust of technology, the Three Mile Island nuclear plant had a radiation release in 1979.

Likewise, our post- Vietnam, post-Watergate cynical political world manifested as more cynical when Ronald Reagan got elected in 1980 by telling us that government was the problem, not the solution.

Post-Sputnik, science had been highly regarded.  This was how the United States was to compete with the Soviet Union.  Apollo 11 in 1969 proved that Americans via a US Government program could land on the moon.  All it took was brave astronauts who happened to be scientists.

In the 1970s, popular scientists included Carl Sagan.  His work predates SETI.  Scientists were highly respected.  Sagan's series, Cosmos, was a top program on PBS.  Isaac Asimov was constantly churning out new work on subjects such as astronomy.  Stephen Jay Gould was popularizing bioscience.  Douglas Hofstadter got a Pulitzer Prize for a book about related abstract concepts.

1982, the launch of ET: The Extraterrestrial, feels like when science lost its luster in this country.

Maybe in 2020, following the disastrous consequences of leaders who ignore sound, consensus scientific and medical advice, we can start to respect the field once more.

The cool thing about science is that it self corrects.  If people have better ideas that get better results than the scientists, we scientists are the first to acknowledge it! 

   

Guest Post: Caution. Live A Great Story

 

Caution: Live a Great Story. The sticker playfully vandalized a sign in a state park that provided a warning for those who might not have been close attention that the trail narrowed and was slowly winding down hill towards river rapids. There were areas of the trail that were rockier, more slippery, seemingly more dangerous.

I told my husband that there was a story right there, with that sign and that sticker. It was full of real life, right there, facing us in that sign and sticker. How often do we half heartedly challenge ourselves and then feel more pride than we should about the "risk" we just overcame? How often do we caution ourselves to avoid risks that might make a great story later, just because we don't have the courage? How often do we actually risk more than we should, often without seeing another option, and while we end up with a great story, it was never a great experience?

Living itself is a risk. Every day we wake up, we have no idea what will happen. We have some, but not total, control. What is the benefit of seeking out greater risks than just waking up? What is the benefit of not taking new chances?

My 5 year old doesn't understand risk yet. That caution sign in the park? To her it was an invitation to run and have lots of fun. When it was rocky, she knew that she had to tread carefully. But, a big, leaf covered hill? Who can resist? The sign was really meant for us to ensure we kept her close.

But, what about the times we don't keep her close? When she was not quite 2, she ran across two front yards to meet an older boy that she didn't know who was bouncing a basketball by himself.

She stared at him. He stopped bouncing his ball and stared back at her. She wasn't yet talking. He was 9 year old, but didn't seem to know how to deal with a toddler approaching him.

My husband made introductions. Those two have become best friends because of the risk our daughter took. Turns out, the boy's family was used to way more risks than most of us American born citizens will likely ever face. When the boy was 2, his entire family was poisoned in their home country of Democratic Republic of Congo. He spent the next 6 years with his family in a Refugee Camp in Uganda before moving to the USA.

His family took a risk. They have a great story. But, their experience wasn't great.

In 2005, interest rates were low and friends around me convinced me to start looking for a house. I searched many houses, and found one that I liked. I took a risk and purchased the house. It is an old 98 year old house. There have been frustrations, there have been joys- both have lead to great stories. Is this really the greatest risk that I have ever done? In my mind, it is. Seems trivial when so many before me have done the same in life. But, as I said before, just waking up every morning is the first risk we take every day.

Yet, that is where many of us exist. The low risk plane where our decisions for the day do not cause great thought. We take the paths most traveled and still somehow think our experience is unique to us.

Is that wrong? Avoiding all moderate to high risks could lead to undeveloped potential. I recently had a student intern who really had no passion for the job that she had spent 4 years studying, but she decided to just continue to plug away because of the time and money already invested. To her, there was even greater risk at spending more time and money to explore yet another career choice. Sure, she could go on and eventually settle into a job where she was mediocre. But, there is probably a career that suits her better if she would just cross that new bridge.

But, what do successful risk takers have in come with those who have either been unsuccessful in taking a risk or have avoided a risk because of unwarranted fear? A clear goal in sight.

My daughter who is a social butterfly, who takes the risk to meet people and loves to travel- her objective is to explore and learn as much about the world that surrounds her as she can because she knows that with that knowledge leads to independence.

The neighbors who risked their lives in Democratic Republic of Congo? Their goal was safety. Safety for themselves, their extended families, their neighbors. Even though they are safer now in the USA, they are still with the people they left behind and continue to work to make the area safer for others.

Even low risk decisions, such as buying a house, come with clear goals if they are to be successful. My goal when I bought my house was something that was affordable, which to me meant lower mortgage payment than my rent. Something that was centrally located to allow efficient travel around the city. Something that was solidly built. And the ultimate goal was financial. I wanted to keep my money and not be giving it to a landlord for the rest of my lift.

What do people who do not cross those new bridges seem to have in common? Lack of a clear goal.

When I asked the student what her goal was after she was done with her internship, her response was simply that she wanted a part time job somewhere. It never seemed to matter to her where, or what the job was, or what it paid, or even if it had benefits (her husband had the benefits). It wasn't clear why she paid money for this particular graduate degree or why she was spending time at a place at which she clearly did not want to be. It wasn't clear what she was hoping to learn at her internship. She seemed mostly interested in maximizing her time with her family at home. Was her goal really to be a stay at home mother, but she thought society would look down on her? I can't say for sure. But, I can say that actually doing what you want, instead of what you think society wants you to do, is actually risky. And if what you want is legal, gives you positive benefits that outweigh any negative losses, then it is likely a good risk to take. Doesn't matter if it feels like a small, low risk to you or a big, high risk to you. If you have a clear goal in mind, and the risk you will take gives you positive rewards that outweigh any negatives, that risk is most often worth it.

 -- Monica

 

Daylight Savings Time

 Last weekend, we fell back in time.  It is no longer Daylight Savings Time.   To many of us, this seems like a trivial event.  To some, it is a more major transition.  I suppose it depends on how resilient one's children are and how many clocks we own.  Losing an hour of sleep when Springing forward tends to be more difficult.  Nonetheless, Daylight Savings time may be considered a "transition" assuming it has these three components-- it changes our routine, it causes an emotional response and it causes us to reflect/make plans.  Losing a loved one, changing one's career or starting school again in the Fall is a more major transition for most of us.  Let's nevertheless give thought to this minor transition.

First, my routine changes.  According to the clock, I am getting out of bed thirty minutes earlier both yesterday and today.  I stayed up just as late as I normally do.  Therefore, early returns say I lost 30 minutes of sleep last night and gained 30 minutes of sleep the day before.  Is this a major change to my routine?  Not hardly. But, I have a child who is changing her routine also.  Will she be tired? How will see spend that extra half hour of morning?

Second, there is an emotional response.  It's one thing to have a child wake up early.  It's another to have her interrupt your meeting when she should still be a sleep.  "Please!  Leave me alone and go have breakfast!"

Third, there is reflection and planning.  What should I do differently next time?  I suppose I needed to provide consequences when I asked her not to interrupt my 7:45 am talk.  "If you don't bother me, jelly beans!"

Daylight Savings Time is not the most major issue we face.  Covid-19 related changes are impactful.  Death of a family member or a career change or someone moving in or out of the house are more major transitions for most of us.  Nonetheless, they all are transitions assuming change in routine, emotion, and reflection/planning.

Lessons for the Living

Here in Minnesota, people drive up north to their cabins in the rural wooded areas by the lakes.  We do the reverse.  We drive south to the condo in Des Moines by the river.

Last week, we took a trip to the condo in Iowa.  We did our best to visit the grandfathers while socially distanced.  We ate lunches outside when we could, though sometimes it was cool and windy.   We looked at leaves. We took hikes through parks most days as we have done throughout the pandemic.  

I visited additional family that was better at social distancing.  They always stayed at least six feet away.  They were excellent listeners.  They represented the lessons of life.  To be reminded of my values and of life's best practices, I went to them, my six-feet-under relatives.

I visited my mother in Indianola and father in West Des Moines, just as I did when they were living.  The tombstones suggest just how different these people were-- hearts versus the flag.  Did they teach me life lessons?  Of course, but how does a person even process the impact of their mother and their father without Sigmund Freud helping?

Rosemary Kersey, my mother

Donald Rasmussen, my father

 

My grandparents and some of their forbearers are in the Atlantic, Iowa cemetery.  David and Hanna Hope, born in the 1850's, are ancestors I never met.  They share an area with Clarence and their daughter, Ida Hope Smith, who both made it past ninety.  (Smith  and the Hope are engraved on opposite sides of the same monument stone.)  I remember my great-grandparents well.  We visited often as these were very important people to my mother.  Clarence would dance a jig and play the harmonica.  Ida kept up on the Guiding Light and family gossip and loved to talk about seeing Don Ho when she visited Hawaii.  How hard did this generation work?  While in her 80's, Ida was still shucking dozens of bushels of corn some days.  This past is so close to us.   David and Hanna, born in the 1850s, in the age of Lincoln, are two degrees of separation from me.  I may be closer to Abe Lincoln in terms of degrees of separation than I am the current president.

Clarence and Ida

David and Hanna

Ida and Clarence drove a yellow Nash rambler and lived at 4 East 10th in Atlantic.  Their daughter, Hope Smith Shackson Focht, lived at 8 West 11th, a couple blocks away.

Home of Ida and Clarence

Home of Hope and Robert Focht

 

My grandmother is the most important influence in my life.  She went to the University of Iowa then married Rolland Shackson, who was a speech professor at Hope College in Holland, Michigan.  Rolland died during gall bladder surgery in 1939.  Their three children Rosemary, Beverly and Eleanor were two years old, one year and not yet born at his death.  Hope moved back to Iowa, became Atlantic's librarian, planted World War II victory gardens and as a single mother modelled frugality.  When the girls were teenaged, she married Bob Focht and they operated a Western Auto in downtown Atlantic until about 1970.  (I remember them bringing home items from the store closure-- for me, they had out of date calendars for writing on.)   I would stay with Hope and Bob Focht as a very young boy when the parents were on vacation.  (My sister Donna would stay with the other grandparents.)  They talked to me about Ben Franklin and Abe Lincoln.  Hope went to book groups and church groups.  Hope and Bob saved and invested, ate the gristle and when we travelled, we stayed at Motel 6.  I can't understate their impact on mine and other's lives.  I followed their waste not, want not philosophy to early retirement.  Their tombstone by the highway looks like it might have been on sale.  Hope's priority was helping the daughters financially with their issues and she did not prioritize spending on herself. 

Bob and Hope Focht

Jens and Altje Rasmussen, my other grandparents, ran the hatchery in Anita, twelve miles away.  Jens' parents immigrated from Denmark when Jens was very young.  Altje was of French and Irish decent. They celebrated a 60th anniversary when I was 15.  (At this celebration, I played the French horn that she gave me.  Cousins played other instruments.)  Altje took up painting after age 60 and her work is dispersed among family members.  I have an easel with some of the paintings she never finished. She also wrote a little poetry book, Notes from an Old Lady, that I have.  She was involved in my life, a caring and positive influence who hugged too hard.  They would stay in an RV in Donna, Texas during winters after Jens retired.  Altje was concerned about the plight of poor Mexican people that lived nearby.  I remember a family visit to them in Texas around Christmas, 1979.  The grandparents on both sides were Methodist but Altje was definitely the most traditionally religious and the only family member who believed and would say that women are subservient to men. (I didn't get this impression from Hope and Bob Focht.  The Rasmussen's, while not as embarrassing as some political figures today, were behind the times on social issues compared to my mother's side.)

Home of Jens and Altje Rasmussen

People have influence beyond death.  If we find ourselves wresting over our values or priorities, there are models we can look to for inspiration to help us past tough times.  Bob Focht was preachy about washing hands frequently.  Of course, he would have been 11 or 12 during the 1918 flu pandemic.  That lesson may be as important now as then.  Those people in the cemeteries have a lot to say.

--------

Also at the cemetery, I found Aunt Ellen and Uncle Bert.  I wrote about them here.

My sister, Diane Rose, was born dead.  I didn't realize that her middle name was Rose when I named my daughter.  I also don't believe I was told Diane had red hair until my father told me in the last year of his life while Rose was here.  The cemetery keeper had no record where she was buried.

At the edge of the cemetery next to Diane is Altje's brother, Ambrose, who was developmentally disabled but self reliant.  I knew him and remember the funeral.

---------------

I didn't see Rolland this trip.  I got a birthday cake for him, then found on he was on vacation!

Beau and the Chaff in Our Heads

 My mother died in 2003.  My father died in 2016.  Do I still occasionally feel like giving them a call?  I think I do.

My dog, Beau, died last Thursday at the age of 13 years, 10 months.  How often do I think of him?  All of the time.  Do I need to let him out?  Do I need to let him in?  Should that door be open?  Should that door be closed?  I don't want him trapped somewhere.  Just where is he right now?

When we go through a transition-- we move, we leave a job, we complete a class-- our minds don't erase the corresponding tasks from our internal calendar.  Where did I put the cooler?  I know where I kept it where I used to live.  

It's 5 am on a Tuesday, I need to get up.  No, I don't.  I don't have that job, anymore.  

Have I done my homework?  Have I studied for the test?  Oh, that class is over and I got my grade.  

Even if we don't consciously have these thoughts all day long, our subconscious is thinking these thoughts.  All day and all night, too.  Who hasn't had these dreams? 

Beau was a good dog.  He was so happy to show off as a puppy when we first met him.  He was such a good student at puppy training and loved the Great Dane.  He was the size of the Great Dane's nose. He learned how to wipe his feet and the other instructors wanted to see him do it.  He was the first to notice our baby (in the womb) and became the proud dog of a little girl.  He would blitz around the room, when happy, and the most entertaining event ever was when our Persian cat, Gizmo, blitzed just to mock him.

Do we get another dog?  Maybe some day.  Our girl is not the perfect age for a dog.  Driving with him was problematic as he would yip and wake people whenever the car stopped.  Taking care of him in his last days was not sustainable.  He tried hard but could no longer control his functions.  I literally would carry him outside and then carry him back inside several times per day since he could barely walk.  There was extra laundry.  We found him on the kitchen floor next to the water bowl.  This won't be what is remembered.  His car trips to 25 or 30 states, his photobombing and his kindness to my sister's dog, Scooter, are the what we won't forget.  (Beau brought Scooter a toy when Scooter, my sister's dog, died one Thanksgiving.)

There is plenty to keep us occupied without Beau.  Did I mention a little girl?  Routines expand to fill the time we have.  Ideally, we are intentional in how we spend our time.

That chaff in our heads is called nostalgia.  I'll think about letting out the dog this week and maybe this month.  If I am worrying about letting out Beau a year from now, optimistically, it would mean I need a new dog.  

It's harder for us to move on from certain other things.  The deaths of our parents, our career change and our relationships with people can affect us as long as we live.  If we stay busy, it affects us less.

Prosperity in the time of covid-- the Karma of those Who have Suffered

My mother was an astrologer who would talk about your past lives based on what she saw in your star chart.  Some, but not all of us, had past lives.  What we don't learn in our present life, we learn in a future life.  Those of us who have had many past lives are "old souls."  Merriam Webster agrees with my mother and offers a mouthful of a definition.   Karma is "the force generated by a person's actions to perpetuate transmigration and its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person's next existence".  Of course, we learn in our current life, as well.  What we learn impacts our resilience and who we become.  Those who experience hardship may learn how to feel prosperity.

How will people remember the covid threat in 2020, which caused us to be more isolated from other people?  

I suspect many people will look back fondly to not commuting and will pine for the less complicated, more peaceful times of 2020.  We got used to running to the store for the one item, waiting in line and rushing home to get the meal cooked.  Now, we figure out how to get by without the garlic clove (until next week) and we have more time with our families.  We have more time to think about what is important.  For some, there was more time to process current events and political activities may have filled the void.  Our pre-covid schedule may have been non-stop.  Now we have time to consider the meaning of phrases such as "black lives matter."

As I child, I wished I could stay occupied with fun activities.  Mainly, I wanted to play outside with kids my age.  I was jealous of the children who could do this  It seemed like many did this every night.  It would have been nice to play baseball games since I was obsessed with baseball.  But, what did the Little Leaguers miss out on?  Maybe, they never learned how to spend time peacefully alone.  Maybe, their feeling of normalcy requires others.

Dale Carnegie tells us that staying busy is the key to happiness.  If we are always running to the store, we don't have time to consider what we might be missing.  That is one way to stay happy.  If we are always busy, we have less time to worry.  This is the "normal" that many seem to be missing.

But, we have to stay busy, don't we?  If we stop moving, our lawns won't stay green and heaven forbid, we might live like the people on the poorer side of town. But, what can we learn about those who live across the railroad tracks?

Experiencing a touch of living on the poor side of town was an experience I had as a child, too.  There were times my mother lived in apartments that were small and not the best.  Roaches found us on occasion. But, it turned out we had fun anyway.  As long as I was around people who loved me, I learned that where I was didn't matter.

My mother once wanted to live in a certain nice house.  Once she could afford it, she changed her mind.  It turns out she was happy in the smaller house where she spent the rest of her life.  (The cockroaches had disappeared after the opening from the outside to the kitchen was discovered, too.)

My greatest suffering was as a child when my parents divorced.  My sister and I just got to see my mother one weekend per month.  Where she lived and whether she had money turned out to not bother me.  My happiest memories are visiting her as a child.

I learned as a child that where you live or whether you spend money might not make you happy or sad.  Who you are around is far more important. To learn this required experiencing loneliness and a touch of hardship that I notice others fear.  My learnings, my karma, tell me to appreciate the people I love.  (Maybe, I could do that better.)  

My mother based on the astrology charts told me I was an "old soul."  If I am an old soul, it allowed me to learn one important thing.  Appreciate those who love you and those who you are with.  They are most important.  Yes, covid-19 causes me to miss out on certain things-- no shows at the Turf Club or Schooner, no baseball games to visit by train and no trips to Hawaii or Shanghai.  But, I have what is most important to me.  I am blessed.

My wife asks, "What is normal?"  What is it that people want back in their lives after a hospital stay or pandemic?

What I want is mostly what I have.  My childhood experiences and childhood learnings, or maybe it is karma, taught me how to be happy alone, and taught me to appreciate people around me whom I love. I don't miss spending time at the mall.  In times that are tough for most, I feel great prosperity.

Guest Post-- Defining Our "Normal"

What is important to you? As an occupational therapist, that is the question that I need to ask every patient before I can effectively provide any treatment.

It is a question that we all need to ask ourselves, even when we believe that we are healthy. I think people forget, though, as they go through the motions of what life is supposed to look like.

What is life supposed to look like? How do we know? When we're young, we watch what our parents do and try to emulate them. We go to school and try to keep up with the cool peers that we think are important. As young adults, we see movies and sometimes try to relate to the characters as they navigate relationships and careers. All of our lives, we are bombarded with media that tells us what to buy for happiness, health, and status.

Do we ever ask, what is important to me? What are my priorities?

We get married and so often have the wedding that someone else thinks we should have. We have kids and so often raise them the way someone else thinks they should be raised.

Do we ever ask, what is best for the child that I have?

These can be tough questions. When I am treating my patients or teaching new students, it is always easier to give them the answer rather than let them struggle to find the answer themselves. It is surprising how many patients (and people in general) want to be told what is important to them rather than reflect and explore on their own.

Is it important to have answers? Can we all just get by letting popular culture tell us what our life is like, living that life to the best of our abilities? We can if nothing ever changes.

Life is fluid. People lose jobs, loved ones die unexpectedly, a pandemic hits. We suddenly use words like "I just want to get back to normal." What is normal? It helps to know what are our priorities, what is important.

When we get married, we find out that people have vastly differing ideas about what couples do, how children are raised, where to live. Why do we individually think there is a singular normal to return to whenever anything happens?

I know people who say they are struggling during the current Covid-19 pandemic. They say they are losing their sense of self. They ignore self care because their world seems to be turned upside down.

Yet, a situation such as what we are living through is the perfect time to explore what is important to each of us, individually. No single person is experiencing the pandemic the same way. Yet, people talk about normalcy as if there is some similarity amongst all of us.

If we know what is important, what priorities we have, then adaptation is much easier.

A patient who generically identifies "going home" as the priority may not feel achievement if he or she is unable to identify specific skills necessary for success at home. A student who says that he or she just wants to pass misses the opportunity to objectively grasp the concepts that will be important later in one's career. When we can name what is important, we can then measure progress and utilize tools to help us accomplish these needs.

When my daughter's birthday was approaching, she had specific ideas of what a birthday party should be. She wanted to see her aunt for her birthday. She wanted a party and games. Because of the pandemic, her aunt was unable to travel to see my daughter. Was it important that my daughter's aunt travel for the birthday, or was the priority just that the two communicate for the birthday? How would games look if no one came to our house for her birthday? My daughter had experience with Zoom through school and my husband's meetings. She suggested inviting friends and relatives to a Zoom birthday party. She sent out party favors, which we used during the party. She adapted in order to accomplish the priority- celebrating the birthday with a party. She knew what was important and that helped her achieve what was important.

From what I hear, many of us are currently wading in the unknown right now, facing varying degrees of discomfort. Is there something that you've always wanted to learn, but never given yourself the chance? Are there activities that you used to do pre-pandemic that you aren't now? What do you actually miss and what will you cut out of your life permanently? Are there tools around you that can help you still do what you used to do, only in a different manner? There is always room for innovation, and there has never been a better time than now to take the leap out of the comfortable and into the unchartered to start thinking more about what you need for yourself.

-- Monica

The Zen of "Leadership"

 In the last post, I brought up my grandmother.  How much of a leader was she?  Most CEOs could not compete.  I can't tell you have many girls have "Hope" as a middle name based on what she overcame and based on how she provided a role model for her family.  That is true leadership, above and beyond what your leadership role at your job or function entails.  Dialing things down a few notches, you and I fulfill leadership opportunities within our organizations.  One role I have filled is as a Toastmasters district officer.  I have been a director three times.  I'm sure I came across as a different person each time.  Let me describe these three types of leadership.

My first time through, I was very much an apprentice.  The past division director escorted me to my first club visit.  I sent drafts of my visit reports to my division director.  I did what was asked.  Opportunities came up.  I kept saying "yes".  Though I had goals of my own, such as giving a seminar about Podcasting, mostly my focus was on whatever the requirements were toward completing a distinguished toastmaster award.  I did all my club visits promptly, served as a club mentor and gave something like thirty speeches.  Working with me was a twofer.  You got help from both the division director and me.  Though I was not the most effective leader in my opinion, I was was recognized as area director of the year.  Why?  Three reasons.  There was no request that I didn't say "yes" too.  How can you not want to recognize the person who makes your job easier?    Working with club officers, the area was presidential distinguished-- club officers are who made that happen. Third, objectively I did more than anyone else.  Nonetheless, there were more experienced area directors I could name who were more effective in the sense my grandmother was effective.  I checked off all the boxes of my job requirement.  Others I could name inspired.  But, at the summer ceremony, I stood up with my nine day old daughter in one hand and major awards in the other.

The second time through, I was a division director.  I served the role supervisory to area directors.  If club presidents are managers, then area directors provide supervisory support to the club presidents and the division director manages the managers.  While not CEO level, this is a responsible position that has measurable impact.  In theory, this role doesn't need to take more time than the area director role.  In practice, it can be daunting especially if area directors have life conflicts.  In this role, I had a young daughter, so I had life conflicts myself.  I didn't always say "yes".  I did my best, but things fell through the cracks and I failed at my attempt to start a new club.  Did I inspire the area directors?  I did my best.  No one is naming their firstborn after me.  Nonetheless, my division was recognized as "distinguished".  I learned about leadership with this stretching opportunity.

Most recently, I was asked to be an area director again.  One of those people who was more deserving of that "area director of the year" award asked.  How could I say "no".  But, before saying yes, I talked to my wife.  I also made sure that I could skip certain meetings.  (I was told I was the only one allowed to skip those meetings.)  I did not have the time to be the one who always said "yes" and made that clear.  Still, I fulfilled the role requirements better than I ever had before.  Instead of giving speeches to everyone, I made listening my priority.  I was not one size fits all in my direction to club presidents.  I communicated requirements in a timely manner.  I felt the clubs did great.  The feedback I got was favorable and appreciative that I didn't harp on what people already knew.  I did a better job of treating individuals as people versus as job titles.  I recruited my replacement early on-- a person who will inspire.  But, I felt that I had achieved growth in that I let my intuition guide me.  There was a Zen to my management.  Of course, the clubs were all recognized as presidential distinguished.  No.  Not really.  COVID-19 decimated corporate Toastmasters clubs and few achieved awards.  Toastmasters was not first priority to people whose jobs were unstable.  Not everyone remembered how I supported them, but some did and some that I surveyed appreciated my efforts.

An emerging leader focuses on the milestones and timelines.  That was my experience the first time.  A better leader focuses on people first, recognizing work/life balance.  That was my experience the second time.  A stronger leader focuses on mission and values, using empathy and intuition.  That was my most recent experience.  

Working at any leadership opportunity provides personal growth.  There is a Zen to being an effective leader where you and the people in the room are one.  Listening, really listening, is the key.  I am not a CEO level leader.  I can only work toward that.  The exemplar was my grandmother named "Hope".

Thoughtfulness and Pandemics

 As a child, I was fortunate to have a mother and father, four grandparents and even two great-grandparents that survived most of my school years.  Additionally, I gained step-parents at ages 12 and 14.  Not everyone was exactly the same, and I certainly preferred some over others, but due to my fortune and their times, every one of them was thoughtful.  Let's think about what being thoughtful means.  There are several connotations.  Being thoughtful means remembering birthdays and holidays.  Check.  They did that.  Being thoughtful means having thoughts.  Check.  They had thoughts and opinions.  They followed the news.  What did they ALL do that it seems a lot of people no longer do?  They deferred for the future.  They put thought into the future.

Part of it could have been the 1918 pandemic.  All of my grandparents would have been school aged and at high risk.  Maybe they had friends who succumbed. My favorite of my grandparents would have been six in 1918, which made her 26 in 1938, so the dust bowl era and depression greatly affected these people, too.  They were miserly.  They saved old calendars for writing.  They ate the less pleasant parts of a chicken.  Nothing went to waste.  When I visited this grandmother's basement, I would see a room with shelves of canned items.  She would have done lots of canning through her life, but I saw mostly store bought cans of vegetables.  She was ready for shortages in the stores. She wasn't always focused on "today".  She was ready for another pandemic or depression.   She planned for eventualities and turned over those cans of vegetables before anything went bad.

But, being miserly was just one side of the coin.  She was miserly because there were things she wanted for the future.  She wanted her children to play piano, do well at school and go to college (as she did).  They all played piano (especially my mother), all excelled at school (particularly my aunts) and all went to college.  The influence was such that I believe all of the grandchildren did these things as well.  The future wasn't theoretical.  The future was tangible.

I could get into other definitions of thoughtfulness.  I'll defer that for now except to say that Grandma Focht was the most important person in my life other than my parents.  

My child is exposed to wonderful elders as well.  Superficially, they are just as nice as my grandparents.  They remember birthdays.  But, not all plan for a tangible future.    There is a generation of people who are growing old who may be remembered for their alternative sources of news, risky behaviors and their propensity to argue with each other.

Those who would risk others during a pandemic did not have a grandmother to set their families right.  It is more sad than anything else.  Many have no example to show them how thoughtfulness could make them heroes. They see no other destiny than slaving for the man.

Kindergarten Daddy

 "Your kindergarten daddy needs a hug."

Last night, my little girl was so excited.  Tomorrow would be her first day of kindergarten.  I didn't think she was going to sleep, so I laid next to her and sang her baby songs.

We sang Designs on You, Close to You and Love Me Do.  We sang Pop Goes the Weasel, This Old Man and London Bridge.  We sang all the verses of Mary Had A Little Lamb.  (I learned them for her.)  We remembered our Baby Suzuki nursery rhymes-- Little Tommy Tucker, Humpty Dumpty and Wee Willy Winkie.  Rose ran out of songs until I prompted her with Mulberry Bush.  She sang her entire school schedule to me which I thought might put her to sleep.  It didn't.

Then we reminisced some more.  That dog we passed around in Baby Suzuki, what was the rhyme?  We didn't quite remember.  (The next morning I was singing "Bow wow wow. Who's dog are thou, I am ....'s dog. Bow, bow wow.") I had been so proud when she remembered her line as a one or two or three year old.

How did school go?  My kid was the one yawning through the Zoom meeting.

The other issue?  Headphones.  When she had the school headphones on, she wouldn't respond back to the teacher.  I took the headphones from her and she was very sad.  "Your kindergarten daddy needs a hug.  This is his first day as a kindergarten daddy."

Remote kindergarten is an adventure.  She is learning a lot.  

She is so far ahead of me at her age.

You Will Be A Butterfly

 

We live in transformative times.  Whether due to Covid-19 or George Floyd, some of us are in crisis.  It might be a midlife crisis—recognition of our own mortality.  Twenty years ago, I got a phone call that there was a murder in Des Moines.  This call began my transformation.

Some people react emotionally.  My sister heard the news and cried.  The next morning, she was not in condition to drive.  My reaction was more Harold and Maude at a funeral.  I had no reaction.  I couldn’t have a reaction because in my world, murder is not possible.  It’s barbaric.  It’s stupid.  It’s a long-term solution to a short-term problem.  I drove calmly to father’s house.  I would try to help.  A calm demeanor was a good thing.  Point one: In a crisis, stay calm if you can.  Or cry, if that’s what you do.  How you react is something additional that you need not worry about.

A key decision had been made by my father.  We would not respond to media. The family spokesman would be an attorney related by past marriage to my murdered step-mother and murdered step-sister.    That was a good decision he made.  In a crisis, the 6 o’clock news features your story.   What news reports is of little concern.  If you need to communicate to media for a business purpose, you get a spokesman.  The phone will ring.  You don’t answer.  Or have a spokesman communicate a message.  In a crisis, your world transforms.  You are not the best person to describe what is going on to the outside world.  (Our spokeswoman didn’t respond to media.)  My focus and the reason I was there was children.  The story was four newly orphaned children at my father’s house.  They had lost their mother, father and grandmother due to family murder—a murder-suicide by the father. 

This crisis was transforming me.  Forces inside me were tugging and pulling.  I looked the same on the outside but on the inside, I was becoming a different person.  My identity was that of an engineer, a problem solver, a technical expert.  Now I was being called to look after kids, be a sitter, be an authority figure.  There are people who deal with murders every day and it is not a crisis for them to do their jobs.  What made this a crisis for me was that I was dealing with issues I had never dealt with.   I was being stretched but at least some of time I felt more satisfaction than my career was giving me. Also, there was a career crisis going on inside me, maybe also a midlife crisis.  My self was changing in response to the  world that I found myself in.  Maybe, I was finishing growing up.    In a crisis, you metamorphosize like a caterpillar changing to a butterfly.  Being a sitter to kids reminded me of a life goal to be a parent.

In a crisis, you use your coping tools.    I cope by writing my thoughts.  I wrote and wrote for weeks.  Friends who saw my emails read long updates.  I was redefining myself as someone who would make sure the next generation of children were looked after.  Everything about my situation was being redefined.   I planned next steps.  As the crisis passed, I moved to the Bay Area, gave my technical career a last chance and moved on to new experiences.  I was no longer in a world where murder couldn’t happen, it had happened.  My transformation from career focused technical person to liberated worker and married guy took two to seven years.

The events happened when I was 37.  Now I am 59.  I see others in crisis based on Covid-19 impacts or current politics.  My insides were stressed twenty years ago.  I became more resilient.  There is no crisis in my life right now though I relate to the crises of others.

To summarize, my advice to you if you might be getting transformed because you are not designed for the world you find yourself in? 1. Cry or stay calm.  This is a crisis, you are allowed.  2.  Stay out the media or find a spokesperson—you are not objective.  Someone else is.  3. Use your coping skills.  For me, this meant writing down the events.  I actually put personal plans and financial and career plans on paper.  Maybe you have family members or mentors to help you cope.

In a crisis, you find yourself in a world that you didn’t know existed and that you aren’t built to deal with.  On the other side of your crisis, you will be a different person.  At least on the inside, you will be a butterfly.

 

Democratic Republic of Congo-- the most important thing

The most important thing is baseball.  My mind works best with baseball.  As a child, I tried to play.  I tried so hard that my arm could likely benefit from one of the baseball surgeries.  I thought about the stats.  Why aren't they playing Steve Braun?  He hit .300 last year.  As a ten year old, I met slugger Harmon Killebrew, a really good man.   I attended full seasons full of home games in Minnesota and Oakland.  We had tickets this year, too.  Pay full attention or just surround yourself with the atmosphere, the game works either way.  Root for your team or root for your fantasy players, the game works either way.  Focus on grit or focus on numbers, the game works.  Focus on the labor issues which rarely favor the players or label the players "bums", either way there is emotional investment.  Bring  a child, just watch her and you are having a good day.  Baseball is a lens into our psyches.  It's not surprising that sport writers are the most read.  Baseball can feel like the most important thing.  

Except, the most important thing is politics.  Is our council member representing diversity?  She claims to be.  Is she?  What about Peking Garden?  Why did she allow Peking Garden to close?  Certainly, she will help find them a home.  The business was not even damaged by those who looted or those who set buildings on fire!  It seems like all of the power is in the hands of the soccer stadium people! My neighbors care little about soccer, but having businesses nearby is important to us!  Even neglecting the national stage, it is easy to get wrapped up in the politics of our neighborhoods or schools or states.

Except, the most important thing is COVID-19-- trillions of dollars of global impact, a million deaths likely, probably 200000+ US deaths this year.  People talking as if nothing is the matter when my wife's cousin's son (we see him every year around Christmas time) spent a month on a ventilator.  He was athletic.  He was healthy.  The Star Tribune wrote about him twice.  At least he got better, but who knows about long-term consequences.  My father-in-law's friend at the nursing home died in about a week.  Yes, it kills.  Please take it seriously.  No, there are no known miracle cures, cult members.  Why is this disease a political issue?  It is a medical issue.  Yes, good sleep habits do actually help viral response per Scientific American, so we agree there.  No, my child can distance learn just fine.  Yes, working parents do probably need schools to be open if that is possible or else disadvantaged children get left behind.  That's what The Economist says.  No, it's not going away, but I bet I am vaccinated by this time next year.  There may be light at the end of the tunnel.  We mostly do fine with the right attitude when we stay careful.

Adversity, such as dealing with COVID-19,  focuses us on what's important, which brings us to George Floyd.  Police brutality and systematic racism is an important thing.  Apparently, those issues weren't solved in the 1960s.  Yes, black lives matter.

Per my personal experience, domestic abuse is the most important thing.  My step-sister was murdered by the husband.  My step-mother was murdered just for being involved.  The murderer at least had sense enough to kill himself, too.  This happened in 1999, the week before Columbine and Des Moines Register columnists referred to it as "the ordinary type" of murder.  Though I chose not to examine the blood stained ceiling, the experience of dealing with familial violence, especially the affected children, impacts me to this day.

Did I mention school shootings?  They just keep getting deadlier post-Columbine.  If somehow protesters are able to solve policing issues and domestic violence issues, school shootings would be a good pivot for those with marching shoes.

These are all important issues and lives will rightly be devoted toward solving them.  But, what is THE MOST important thing?  For the world to actually be a better place requires we prioritize. Nazis murdered people in concentration camps.  People prioritized.  The world is better with Nazis gone.   Eradication of this particular evil is a little bit like eradication of Smallpox.  The world can now focus on the next major disease.

The answer, the most important thing globally, is likely not found at my house, but I may be able to find the answer in my neighborhood.  I will tell you the answer that I have found.

Where is life the least valued?  Where are the most deaths, rapes and displacements?  Based on conversations with my refugee neighbors, the area most in need, now and for at least the previous couple of decades, is the Democratic Republic of Congo.  My neighbors have started an organization to deal with impacted families-- Good Samaritan Disciples.  My interview with them is here-- KALX interview .

Where is the evil?  Those in Africa who use rape as a weapon of war toward profiting from mineral resources seem world class evil to me.   Though less targeted, it may be comparable to the murder of Jews in the 1930s and 1940s.  The world's  worst behavior should be eradicated  and is worth our attention.  Please support the Mukwege Foundation  (Denis Mukwege won a Nobel Peace Prize) or contact my neighbors at Good Samaritan Disciples to help deal with this.

Baseball isn't really the most important thing.  In reality, the most important thing to me is closer to home.  It's my family.  It's my daughter.  The slow route to changing the world may also be the most effective-- giving love to the next generation.  But, that doesn't stop us from trying to help where it is needed.  Families impacted by war in DRC need help.  Helping them improves the human condition. However we can improve the human condition is the most important thing.

A comforting theory-- Strauss and Howe

Musician Ralph Covert has been entertaining us on Facebook during the stay at home era.  Ralph finds comfort in the cyclic nature of history and at the end of music shows has sometimes been talking about Strauss and Howe's theory of generations.

Who are Strauss and Howe?  William Strauss was a founder of the Capital Steps comedy troupe and an influential Democrat.  Neil Howe is a consultant and budget focused political moderate advisor to the Concord Coalition.  I first heard of them here:

http://www.booknotes.org/Watch/17548-1/William-Strauss

Their writing, starting in 1991, has been on the subject of generations.  Strauss and Howe define four types of generations that exist in US history since the 1580s.  There is the generation that won World War II that some call "the greatest generation" which was in charge all of their lives.  Then, there was a "silent generation."  The oldest amongst us now are of this silent generation that did as told and were never in charge.  After that, we had the "Boomers," a large generation that tended to define themselves by what they oppose-- anti-Vietnam war or anti-hippie or perhaps anti-GI generation or anti-expert.  Then, you come to my generation (and Ralph's)-- the 13th per Strauss and Howe or Generation X per Douglas Coupland.  Gen X is the Daria group who stereotypically learns things quite deeply, but tends to be too cynical to act on what we know.  Generation X was the first cohort to identify as nerds.  Like the Lost generation, born 1880-1900, we are not ultra-greedy and are therefore mostly loved.

It would mostly be Gen Xers who read and understand generational theory, as Boomers find "contradictions" and argue it to death.    I believe generational theory has a lot to teach, though it is not highly rigorous or even necessarily predictive.  It is sociology rather than physics.  The foundation of thousands of pages is basically the insight that as one generation dies another is born which populates societal roles in a similar fashion to the generation gone.

The four types of generations repeat and alternate between dominant and less dominant. Millennials will likely be in charge soon, as they fill the same spot in the cycle as the greatest generation did.  Boomers and the World War II generation have been in charge most of the time since 1940.  Gen X (less dominant) got one president, whom most of us love, Barack Obama.  Millennials are likely to take over in 2024 or 2028 after the divided Boomers burn out and fade away.  Note: though millennials may seem to be divisive, generational views are fairly uniform and unlike the Boomers, they are united among themselves.  Unity brings them strength.  The theory suggests that crisis causes the unity and people have speculated since 911 as to what the unifying crisis might be.

Generational theory is not surprised by the presidential candidates-- both aging Boomers.  The dominant generations get most of the presidents. 

Birth dates of the generations are defined slightly differently depending on who is defining, but the Strauss and Howe generations are roughly every 20 years and start roughly at 1900 (greatest generation), 1920 (silent), 1940 (boomers), 1960 (X), 1980 (millennials) and 2000 (zoomers or homeland or gen z).  The cusps of generational change can be argued, but most people know where they fit.  Some say Boomers were born in 1964 and perhaps you are a Boomer born in 1964.

Why is this theory comforting?

As a member of Gen X, I knew my grandparents (greatest gen) well and was impressed by their unity, outlook and contributions.  My parents (Silent) had less to offer as a generation.  They mostly deferred to elders.  Per  the theory of Strauss and Howe, in the year 2020, young adults, those currently age 20 to 40, are in the position to create the most change.  We hope it's for the best.  We are in an 80 to 100 year cycle.  The opportunity for a younger generation (millennials) to create change is at the peak of this 80 to 100 year cycle.

Big things ahead?

May the era of the bickering Boomers please die soon.  The great humorist, Carl Reiner (friend of Norman Lear), is no longer around to make fun of our nation's fifty year long "All in the Family" episode.  Born in the early 1920's, Reiner set a high bar of comedy and we'll include him in that greatest generation that we assume the millennials will start updating post haste.

While we believe racism and perhaps Trumpism is heading to the dustbin of history, it is not clear which direction Millennials will take us.  The greatest generation brought us JFK, then Nixon, Ford and Reagan.  While each president was favored by the united greatest generation, most had issues with at least Nixon's criminal acts.

Gen Xers need to get involved in political discussions if we want things to turn out right.  Despite the perception of us being slackers, it is us that know the footnotes that can redefine fragile consensus.  Democracy works best as a bottom up process.  We need to start going to the meetings or who knows what the kids will think up next?  The greatest generation fought and won WWII, but it was the Lost Generation, people like Eisenhower, who brought the strategy.

Ralph sees Strauss and Howe as a comforting theory.  To me, it is a call to action.

Driving Around Music

My first job was in Knoxville, Iowa.  Knoxville is famous for sprint car races.  I lived more than one mile away from the racetrack, but races came in loud and clear most weekend nights. I went with a work group once.  There were dedicated fans.  It was fun as a one off event.  It wasn't my thing.

The freight train was within the block and the volume was a notch higher.  It went by at midnight and five a.m.   This "quiet" Iowa town was the loudest place I have lived.

There was a newsstand shop a few blocks from my house.  There was a movie theater a block further.  I was in luck if I wanted a magazine or was interested in "Back to the Future."    There were also bars with occasional workplace happy hours.  I didn't spend a lot of time in town outside of my place, the second floor of a house that had been revamped as an apartment.  Instead, I drove in my van which held a CD player, refrigerator, sleeping bag and telescope.  It was a mostly solitary time for me.

I would drive to Des Moines to the computer store or the "art" theater or the record store or to see a band.  I would drive near Cambridge and look through their telescopes and mine-- I saw Halley's Comet in 1986.   Those were my typical weekend activities.  Often, there was a family event, as well. Parents were an hour away.

Driving the roads of Iowa required a soundtrack.  My van had a CD player and I would listen to XTC or They Might Be Giants or Scruffy the Cat or Talking Heads.  Sometimes, in a Sunday morning mood, I'd listen to Shut Up and Play Your Guitar by Frank Zappa.  People's Music (record store) in Des Moines introduced me to the wave of bands that included Husker Du, The Replacements and Young Fresh Fellows as "The Breakfast Club" era faded away.

I am not sure how many GBs of CDs I have, but my compact disc collection is certainly much less than the 1024 GB SD cards (1 TB) that were available for $40, if you looked hard.  I spent all day ripping the A's and B's and only got to 11 GB so I know it is all going to fit.

I understand that you can buy Google subscriptions theoretically to all released music.  Spotify or Pandora is supposed to be able to figure out what I like.  (Mid-90's, midwestern Indy record store is the closest thing to the category of my CD collection.)  But, so much of what I have is something I heard once and liked.  Something I bought at a show.  Something Tom showed me at No Name.  Maybe, something from People's.  Possibly something I remember from KALX.  Of this TB I am working to fill by burning every CD I own, the amazing thing is how much I still like and/or fondly remember.

Driving around Minnesota in the COVID era feels much the same as Iowa then, just less lonely with the wife and child.  The van had CD and cassette.  The car has SD and CD.  Eight hours of Ralph's World, ten LP sides of Dr. Demento and lots of Danny Elfman entertain my child.  (She would prefer the soundtrack to Nightmare Before Christmas over and over on repeat.)  The Yep Rock catalog from the last couple of years, the Bert Records catalog and some of my other favorites entertain me.  Beach Boys, INXS and Kinks keep my wife happy.  (That's with less than 128 GB.)  Properly mixed, we all stay entertained.  128 GB is itself a substantial chunk of music.  Maybe, all we have fits there too.  Possibly, the100 hours of Bob Dylan's Theme Time Radio still fits.

Soon my car will be able to play The Everything that the Man Had.  Driving around Minnesota, listening to the music, looking at the stars and hearing bird stories and the occasional live music Facebook performance is a lifestyle.  Have you heard of Comet Neowise? I'd rather also travel the globe and see live music.  1024 GBs of recorded music should keep me sane, though.  

Much less was keeping me sane in noisy Knoxville.  

to do

Those shelves in the garage where you empty the content of your car.  They've piled up.  There's not much room next to the car door.

Those CDs you were going to rip onto your TB SD card and then put in boxes.  The shelves are still full.

The grass.  It needs mowing.

The electric cooler for the car,  what happened to that?  Is it under that stack of stuff in the garage?

You were going to hike through state parks.  Right?

Harry Potter.  Were you going to read it to a child?

The book.  Were you going to start writing a book?

That special celebration where you prepare everything in advance.  Are you ready?

The floor needs mopping.

That box that you found in the garage containing papers and writing from your grandmother, do you have any plans for it?

There are clothes to fold.

The project the little girl wanted to start?

There was a Toastmasters project you were going to start?

Did you get those new shelves for the garage you started to clean?

----

Covid-19 has kept us home a lot more.  Many of us have projects we have been planning for days, weeks, months and more than a decade.

There were items on the shelf of the garage from 2006.  There were even items left there from previous owners.  Also, there was bird seed that the varmints got into.  It looks a lot better to see everything in bins.

Have you started work on any of those projects you were going to do when you got around to it?

Good for you!

Time is a luxury I seldom considered as I planned my next trip.  I sometimes thought back to elementary school and the mixed up files of Mrs. Basil Frankweiler, but organizational efforts were postponed.  Now, that trips are postponed, it's time!

Surgical Masks Next to the Gum

Everyone wears masks now.  Are they the right masks?  As masks are not a replacement for distancing, one could argue it shouldn't matter.  Don't make people feel confident they can interact with others safely as they probably can not.  A better mask is still not a totally safe mask.  However, as a product developer, I want people to have the better masks.

Social media talks about N95 respirators for all.  I read about fitting requirements.  I imagine the variety of mask sizes that would be required at schools.  The idea that we should make ourselves as safe as possible from the virus resonates, but is a complex solution the right approach for non-medical settings and untrained people?

The information I find suggests regular surgical masks give similar safety from respiratory viruses compared to N95 masks.  This scientific study included thousands of test subjects.

What surgeons use to prevent infections in their patients may still not be perfect.  However, this is not a new problem requiring new technology.  Well developed technology is available for sale that has been scaled up as a product that can go for $0.10 to $0.15.  The surgical mask is a mature product.

Surgical masks are made of nonwoven polypropylene fibers melt bonded together.  They are breathable while restricting the mobility of small particles.

As a past product developer, I know about disposable diapers.  In addition to non-wovens similar to what is in surgical masks, disposable diapers also include the technology to contain viruses via hydrophilic and hydrophobic layers.

I think about wet wipes or dried out wet wipes.  They might also provide a barrier.

I'm seeing hints that creative people are  marketing anti-viral masks.   I can't imagine anything much more exciting to work on short of a vaccine.  One might hope that viral barriers can be improved, though gimmick marketing is the more likely scenario.

But, surgical masks exist. If much higher volumes of surgical masks are needed based on potential shortages, then new equipment next to the diaper factory can make more surgical masks.   You'd think capitalism would cause this to happen.  Maybe, government pushing is needed.

Surgical masks are designed to prevent virus spread.  Regular people should be using surgical masks when they grocery shop given the Covid-19 threat.  Once supply is robust, surgical masks should be sold at every checkout next the gum.

If America is like Japan and we start to see a culture of mask wearing politeness-- to prevent the infection of others-- then the market doesn't disappear if the virus goes away.  Perhaps, that is an overly optimistic thought.  Nonetheless, crises ranging from World War II to 9/11 have tended to build societal cohesiveness, and bring us together.  These crises also tend to launch the next fads and trends.

Etiquette is What We Teach Children

There is a short list of things we instill in children.  Number one and most important is that we love them.  We answer their cries.  We comfort.  We sing them love songs even if some of them are about cradles with babies in them falling from trees.  We reiterate that "we love them forever, we love them for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

Second, we provide routine.  We get up in the morning.  Potty time.  Wash hands.  We brush teeth.  We get dressed.  We eat breakfast.  We go to school.  We eat lunch. We come home.  We play.  We eat dinner.  We read stories.  We brush teeth.  We go to bed when it is night time.  This may sound like raising soldiers for battle.  Though, have you ever seen a kid outside their routine?  The routine is comfort.  I could have included the subject of routine in the first paragraph about providing love.

How do I make sure my little girl's day will proceed with a minimum of stress?  We write a list together of what we will do today.  Yes, this works great for on-line pre-K school,  It also works for weekends.  We are off the habit for Summer.  But, if things are getting out of control, a list at the beginning of the day brings calm and comfort even in July.  She wants to plan her day.

I believe in education.  We read 10,000 books before kindergarten.  The girl graduated from four years of baby Suzuki before she was four-- born in July, academic calendar.  Classwork may never be an issue with her.  I don't know if reading the books even made a difference.  She was a very aware baby.  Now, she colors, writes stories and makes things out of paper and tape that are amazing.  That doesn't come from anything I taught her.  She may go a completely different path from me.  But, a focus on education is a given from any good parent who wants possibilities for their child.

There is still one thing left that I want to highlight explicitly that we focus on just about all the time, and it started when she was first walking.  As far as her future goes, it might be the key thing.  As far as starting kindergarten goes, it is the key thing per her teacher.  The main thing a young child learns is etiquette and emotional control, knowing how to get along with others.

We start the day with "good morning".  It is so nice to hear a pleasant greeting first thing, now that the greetings happen when I am ready to wake up.  (She looks at the clock.)  I was so happy to sing to her when she woke up as a baby.  The reverse is holding true also.

We try to model.  If we yell, we expect the child to yell.  Let's write a thank you note together instead.

We try to teach empathy.  Please don't swing the cat by the tail.  How would you like being swung by the tail?  Let's count to ten and think about that.

We teach table manners.  Girls who get dessert eat with their silverware, not their hands.

You understand that nag, nag, nag is not effective, so there is the strategy of diversion.
Let's go outside!
Let's play piano!
Let's clean up before Mommy gets home so we don't have to do that later!

Positive reinforcement, of course, is more effective than the reverse.  I'd rather talk about when she is behaving well than when she is displaying poor etiquette.   There is a thank you for every please.  There are thank yous for when she asks to help.  There is a thank you for when I observe she is distancing or behaving well or playing nicely.  There is a thank you for when she gives a compliment.

There are more thank yous than pleases.

But, there are pleases:

• Please clean up the mess you made.  Please pick up your toys and put them away.
• Please use your indoor voice.  Even though we are outside, the neighbor is on the phone, so please use your indoor voice.
• Please don't nudge in front of me if you plan to walk slowly down the stairs, so you can say, "I win!"  That is actually very rude and you could trip me.
• Please wash your hands.  Please fasten your seat belt.  Please be nice to the dog.
• If you say you want something to eat, please eat it.  (You didn't?  We'll save this for next time.)
• Please "social distance" and stay one moose away from other people.
• Please don't talk when the teacher is talking.  Please don't interrupt our conversation.
• Please stop crying.  We can't go back to your class if you are screaming.

Et cetera.

From these pleas, she might initially get upset or might do as asked. We don't form habits immediately.  She is, however,  very good at saying the word "please".

We are told her behavior allows her into kindergarten.  Does she have a lot to learn?  Of course, even if she is precocious at times.

The old man in me wants to rant and rave about young people who never learned manners.  What's wrong with the world today?  Instead, I see pre-K kids who are beautifully behaved and wonder why my generation never learned certain important conventions.  Certainly, there are times when I should be less confrontational and more aware.  If a child can learn how to be thoughtful, that has to be about the most important thing.

And today, as I went through the last 15 years of what I've piled into the garage, the little girl swept and swept, because she wanted to.  I think she is very thoughtful to ask to do that.

As we talk about routines and manners and writing things down, regimentation is the opposite of my goal.  Learning how to function effectively and politely gives my child opportunities.  I want my girl as an adult to have the demeanor that will allow her to do what she wants, whatever that is.

My girl is unique.  With etiquette and emotional control, knowing how to get along with others, she can let that show!