Guest Post-- Defining Our "Normal"

What is important to you? As an occupational therapist, that is the question that I need to ask every patient before I can effectively provide any treatment.

It is a question that we all need to ask ourselves, even when we believe that we are healthy. I think people forget, though, as they go through the motions of what life is supposed to look like.

What is life supposed to look like? How do we know? When we're young, we watch what our parents do and try to emulate them. We go to school and try to keep up with the cool peers that we think are important. As young adults, we see movies and sometimes try to relate to the characters as they navigate relationships and careers. All of our lives, we are bombarded with media that tells us what to buy for happiness, health, and status.

Do we ever ask, what is important to me? What are my priorities?

We get married and so often have the wedding that someone else thinks we should have. We have kids and so often raise them the way someone else thinks they should be raised.

Do we ever ask, what is best for the child that I have?

These can be tough questions. When I am treating my patients or teaching new students, it is always easier to give them the answer rather than let them struggle to find the answer themselves. It is surprising how many patients (and people in general) want to be told what is important to them rather than reflect and explore on their own.

Is it important to have answers? Can we all just get by letting popular culture tell us what our life is like, living that life to the best of our abilities? We can if nothing ever changes.

Life is fluid. People lose jobs, loved ones die unexpectedly, a pandemic hits. We suddenly use words like "I just want to get back to normal." What is normal? It helps to know what are our priorities, what is important.

When we get married, we find out that people have vastly differing ideas about what couples do, how children are raised, where to live. Why do we individually think there is a singular normal to return to whenever anything happens?

I know people who say they are struggling during the current Covid-19 pandemic. They say they are losing their sense of self. They ignore self care because their world seems to be turned upside down.

Yet, a situation such as what we are living through is the perfect time to explore what is important to each of us, individually. No single person is experiencing the pandemic the same way. Yet, people talk about normalcy as if there is some similarity amongst all of us.

If we know what is important, what priorities we have, then adaptation is much easier.

A patient who generically identifies "going home" as the priority may not feel achievement if he or she is unable to identify specific skills necessary for success at home. A student who says that he or she just wants to pass misses the opportunity to objectively grasp the concepts that will be important later in one's career. When we can name what is important, we can then measure progress and utilize tools to help us accomplish these needs.

When my daughter's birthday was approaching, she had specific ideas of what a birthday party should be. She wanted to see her aunt for her birthday. She wanted a party and games. Because of the pandemic, her aunt was unable to travel to see my daughter. Was it important that my daughter's aunt travel for the birthday, or was the priority just that the two communicate for the birthday? How would games look if no one came to our house for her birthday? My daughter had experience with Zoom through school and my husband's meetings. She suggested inviting friends and relatives to a Zoom birthday party. She sent out party favors, which we used during the party. She adapted in order to accomplish the priority- celebrating the birthday with a party. She knew what was important and that helped her achieve what was important.

From what I hear, many of us are currently wading in the unknown right now, facing varying degrees of discomfort. Is there something that you've always wanted to learn, but never given yourself the chance? Are there activities that you used to do pre-pandemic that you aren't now? What do you actually miss and what will you cut out of your life permanently? Are there tools around you that can help you still do what you used to do, only in a different manner? There is always room for innovation, and there has never been a better time than now to take the leap out of the comfortable and into the unchartered to start thinking more about what you need for yourself.

-- Monica