There is a short list of things we instill in children. Number one and most important is that we love them. We answer their cries. We comfort. We sing them love songs even if some of them are about cradles with babies in them falling from trees. We reiterate that "we love them forever, we love them for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."
Second, we provide routine. We get up in the morning. Potty time. Wash hands. We brush teeth. We get dressed. We eat breakfast. We go to school. We eat lunch. We come home. We play. We eat dinner. We read stories. We brush teeth. We go to bed when it is night time. This may sound like raising soldiers for battle. Though, have you ever seen a kid outside their routine? The routine is comfort. I could have included the subject of routine in the first paragraph about providing love.
How do I make sure my little girl's day will proceed with a minimum of stress? We write a list together of what we will do today. Yes, this works great for on-line pre-K school, It also works for weekends. We are off the habit for Summer. But, if things are getting out of control, a list at the beginning of the day brings calm and comfort even in July. She wants to plan her day.
I believe in education. We read 10,000 books before kindergarten. The girl graduated from four years of baby Suzuki before she was four-- born in July, academic calendar. Classwork may never be an issue with her. I don't know if reading the books even made a difference. She was a very aware baby. Now, she colors, writes stories and makes things out of paper and tape that are amazing. That doesn't come from anything I taught her. She may go a completely different path from me. But, a focus on education is a given from any good parent who wants possibilities for their child.
There is still one thing left that I want to highlight explicitly that we focus on just about all the time, and it started when she was first walking. As far as her future goes, it might be the key thing. As far as starting kindergarten goes, it is the key thing per her teacher. The main thing a young child learns is etiquette and emotional control, knowing how to get along with others.
We start the day with "good morning". It is so nice to hear a pleasant greeting first thing, now that the greetings happen when I am ready to wake up. (She looks at the clock.) I was so happy to sing to her when she woke up as a baby. The reverse is holding true also.
We try to model. If we yell, we expect the child to yell. Let's write a thank you note together instead.
We try to teach empathy. Please don't swing the cat by the tail. How would you like being swung by the tail? Let's count to ten and think about that.
We teach table manners. Girls who get dessert eat with their silverware, not their hands.
You understand that nag, nag, nag is not effective, so there is the strategy of diversion.
Let's go outside!
Let's play piano!
Let's clean up before Mommy gets home so we don't have to do that later!
Positive reinforcement, of course, is more effective than the reverse. I'd rather talk about when she is behaving well than when she is displaying poor etiquette. There is a thank you for every please. There are thank yous for when she asks to help. There is a thank you for when I observe she is distancing or behaving well or playing nicely. There is a thank you for when she gives a compliment.
There are more thank yous than pleases.
But, there are pleases:
From these pleas, she might initially get upset or might do as asked. We don't form habits immediately. She is, however, very good at saying the word "please".
We are told her behavior allows her into kindergarten. Does she have a lot to learn? Of course, even if she is precocious at times.
The old man in me wants to rant and rave about young people who never learned manners. What's wrong with the world today? Instead, I see pre-K kids who are beautifully behaved and wonder why my generation never learned certain important conventions. Certainly, there are times when I should be less confrontational and more aware. If a child can learn how to be thoughtful, that has to be about the most important thing.
And today, as I went through the last 15 years of what I've piled into the garage, the little girl swept and swept, because she wanted to. I think she is very thoughtful to ask to do that.
As we talk about routines and manners and writing things down, regimentation is the opposite of my goal. Learning how to function effectively and politely gives my child opportunities. I want my girl as an adult to have the demeanor that will allow her to do what she wants, whatever that is.
My girl is unique. With etiquette and emotional control, knowing how to get along with others, she can let that show!
Second, we provide routine. We get up in the morning. Potty time. Wash hands. We brush teeth. We get dressed. We eat breakfast. We go to school. We eat lunch. We come home. We play. We eat dinner. We read stories. We brush teeth. We go to bed when it is night time. This may sound like raising soldiers for battle. Though, have you ever seen a kid outside their routine? The routine is comfort. I could have included the subject of routine in the first paragraph about providing love.
How do I make sure my little girl's day will proceed with a minimum of stress? We write a list together of what we will do today. Yes, this works great for on-line pre-K school, It also works for weekends. We are off the habit for Summer. But, if things are getting out of control, a list at the beginning of the day brings calm and comfort even in July. She wants to plan her day.
I believe in education. We read 10,000 books before kindergarten. The girl graduated from four years of baby Suzuki before she was four-- born in July, academic calendar. Classwork may never be an issue with her. I don't know if reading the books even made a difference. She was a very aware baby. Now, she colors, writes stories and makes things out of paper and tape that are amazing. That doesn't come from anything I taught her. She may go a completely different path from me. But, a focus on education is a given from any good parent who wants possibilities for their child.
There is still one thing left that I want to highlight explicitly that we focus on just about all the time, and it started when she was first walking. As far as her future goes, it might be the key thing. As far as starting kindergarten goes, it is the key thing per her teacher. The main thing a young child learns is etiquette and emotional control, knowing how to get along with others.
We start the day with "good morning". It is so nice to hear a pleasant greeting first thing, now that the greetings happen when I am ready to wake up. (She looks at the clock.) I was so happy to sing to her when she woke up as a baby. The reverse is holding true also.
We try to model. If we yell, we expect the child to yell. Let's write a thank you note together instead.
We try to teach empathy. Please don't swing the cat by the tail. How would you like being swung by the tail? Let's count to ten and think about that.
We teach table manners. Girls who get dessert eat with their silverware, not their hands.
You understand that nag, nag, nag is not effective, so there is the strategy of diversion.
Let's go outside!
Let's play piano!
Let's clean up before Mommy gets home so we don't have to do that later!
Positive reinforcement, of course, is more effective than the reverse. I'd rather talk about when she is behaving well than when she is displaying poor etiquette. There is a thank you for every please. There are thank yous for when she asks to help. There is a thank you for when I observe she is distancing or behaving well or playing nicely. There is a thank you for when she gives a compliment.
There are more thank yous than pleases.
But, there are pleases:
- Please clean up the mess you made. Please pick up your toys and put them away.
- Please use your indoor voice. Even though we are outside, the neighbor is on the phone, so please use your indoor voice.
- Please don't nudge in front of me if you plan to walk slowly down the stairs, so you can say, "I win!" That is actually very rude and you could trip me.
- Please wash your hands. Please fasten your seat belt. Please be nice to the dog.
- If you say you want something to eat, please eat it. (You didn't? We'll save this for next time.)
- Please "social distance" and stay one moose away from other people.
- Please don't talk when the teacher is talking. Please don't interrupt our conversation.
- Please stop crying. We can't go back to your class if you are screaming.
From these pleas, she might initially get upset or might do as asked. We don't form habits immediately. She is, however, very good at saying the word "please".
We are told her behavior allows her into kindergarten. Does she have a lot to learn? Of course, even if she is precocious at times.
The old man in me wants to rant and rave about young people who never learned manners. What's wrong with the world today? Instead, I see pre-K kids who are beautifully behaved and wonder why my generation never learned certain important conventions. Certainly, there are times when I should be less confrontational and more aware. If a child can learn how to be thoughtful, that has to be about the most important thing.
And today, as I went through the last 15 years of what I've piled into the garage, the little girl swept and swept, because she wanted to. I think she is very thoughtful to ask to do that.
As we talk about routines and manners and writing things down, regimentation is the opposite of my goal. Learning how to function effectively and politely gives my child opportunities. I want my girl as an adult to have the demeanor that will allow her to do what she wants, whatever that is.
My girl is unique. With etiquette and emotional control, knowing how to get along with others, she can let that show!
