Obituary | Rolland Eugene Rasmussen of West Des Moines | Overton Funeral Home (overtonfunerals.com)
One of my first memories is walking around with a sling. "I have a broken arm. Don't people with broken arms need a cast?" I had been pushed off the back step by my older brother. I was so young that I didn't need a cast.
Another of my early memories is waking up in the morning to find a wastebasket on fire in the kitchen. I woke up my parents. As I recall, the fire department came. It was a relatively serious fire as part of the floor in the kitchen burned.
Rolland was high energy. He would throw shoes out the car window as we drove down the road. He would run away from home and go for miles in the cold. My aunt remembers him pulling down the curtains. She was dealing with putting the curtains back up as Rolland was emptying cannisters of flour and sugar. At about the time I started kindergarten, Rolland was placed in a foster home as his need for constant care was beyond the capacity of any ordinary family.
Mrs. Hanson, an elderly woman in Pleasant Hill, became foster parent for Rolland. Several older boys lived with her. The older boys would watch Rolland 24/7 and keep him out of trouble. Mrs. Hanson kept calm and was always in control. I would see Rolland regularly.
After I finished second grade, my parents divorced. My sister and I lived with my father. There was a regular schedule for Donna and me to visit our mother. Very often, we would have an outing by the lake with Rolland or go swimming with Rolland during this time. Rolland was still challenging. One was issue was that Rolland would regularly remove his swimming trunks when we were swimming at public pools. We just expected things like that would happen. No big deal.
My mother visited every week. I don't think I ever missed a birthday party. He would color in coloring books or put together jigsaw puzzles. Those types of items were good gifts for him even as an older man. When "American Pie" was a hit song, I imagined Rolland was singing this to me by the car at Mrs. Hanson's. This was a subject of conversation for decades. He might have sung and hummed a little bit of it. My mother always imagined him as someone who might speak one day. My parents felt responsibility for him not being "like everyone else." At this point in time, my parents would individually brainstorm possible reasons for Rolland not talking and sometimes blame each other.
Rolland was afraid of dogs. I think that went back to before Mrs. Hansen. If there was an unguarded bottle or can of soda pop, Rolland would guzzle it. If there was food in front of him, Rolland would eat it. These things never changed.
Upon the death of Mrs. Hanson, Rolland moved to Woodward State Hospital School. This was the low point for Rolland's care. Though Rolland was non-verbal and autistic, Rolland was a discerning person. Rolland's cohorts were more aggressive than him and lower functioning than him. Rolland's behavior declined based on the role models around him.
What were Rolland's skills? He had a strong sense of order. If something was mis-shelved in the grocery store, Rolland would move the item to where it belonged. Rolland was good at jigsaw puzzles. Michelle, Link Associates, told me how Rolland was the only person she ever saw who would put jigsaw puzzles together upside-down.
In the 1990s, Woodward closed, or at least his program closed. He moved to group homes, residential homes and finally a host home in Des Moines. Rolland's behavior quickly improved as peer role models were now typically higher functioning than him. My mother and my father continued to regularly visit and take him for outings, separately of course.
Medications slowed Rolland down. He had always been very thin. At some point in time, Rolland became over-weight. As an adult Rolland was childlike in how he hugged and wanted his feet rubbed, but he was almost always in control. He became very good about fastening seatbelts and not exiting the car until he was told to. He followed instructions well.
His routine for the last 20 or 30 years of his life involved a home setting and a work setting with other vulnerable adults. Mosaic was the non-profit in charge of Rolland's home placement. Link Associates was his work setting. While at work, Rolland would perform tasks such as putting items in little plastic bags. Imagine a table with four workers and a supervisor. There would be a van in the driveway of his home (17th Street in Des Moines, for most of this time). Residents would go to Link on East 14th Street as a group in the van.
My mother declined in health starting around the year 2000. Still Rolland would regularly visit and be visited. In 2003, a doctor told us her end was near and she was placed in a large hospital room. A large family group, maybe 13 people, visited. Rolland had been extensive coached by his staff. He told her "I love you." All of us hearing this were impressed by Rolland's words. We only heard him say that then. The next day, as I was visiting my mother in this same room, I held her hand as the radio played and baseball scores scrolled on a TV. Our mother died. Rolland's staff was called and Rolland visited and entered her room fifteen minutes later. He spent 30 minutes with her to take in her death. At her funeral, the Mosaic director told us it was unusual for family to remain close to people like Rolland. He pointed out how exceptional our mother was and explained that this was why he was at her funeral.
My father lost his second wife is 1999. Rolland was especially appreciated as a reliable presence in his life starting this period. On a Saturday, I would visit my father in West Des Moines. Rolland would be there. On a Saturday, I would visit my father at the condo in Des Moines. Rolland would be there. On a Saturday, I would visit my father in Urbandale. Rolland would be there watching TV. This routine continued until his death in 2016.
Donna took over guardianship responsibilities and I started to regularly go to evaluations. We visited Rolland when we went to Iowa. Visits to the park continued. Birthday parties continued. Rolland very much appreciated this. Rolland liked Monica. Rolland liked Rose. There was a family Thanksgiving at the condo. There were trips to Indianola. He got along with everyone in the family.
Jean-Marie noticed how well Rolland and Robert got along while he was working for Mosaic at 17th Street. He took over within Mosaic as Rolland's host (and Robert's) in a host home in West Des Moines. Robert was Rolland's friend for the last twenty years. Jean-Marie as host was the best situation Rolland ever had. It was the right time for change given lower functioning, higher energy men had moved in with Rolland and Robert causing conflict. Rolland, Robert and Jean-Marie had many smiles together.
Covid-19 closed the Link work group. There were issues anyway. We were told that Rolland had "retired" and had chosen to stop doing his tasks. But, he was still going to work before covid-19 caused the facility to close. Without this routine, Rolland lost his days and nights. He became sedentary. His health declined. We were not allowed to visit.
With vaccination, we visited again. We had a hard time keeping him out of bed that Summer. In the Fall, Rolland had lost a lot of weight and did not look healthy. She the photo (below). He fell as we walked through Hy Vee. But, he remained good natured and loving to the end.
I miss Rolland. He is involved in my earliest memories. I always got along with him. It was a unique relationship. As his younger brother, he looked to me as his older brother pretty much once I could walk.
Sonia Sotomayor writes about grief. Is grief from guilt, a feeling of not being there when we feel we could or should have been there? Or is grief from loss, a feeling that Rolland should have had opportunities that we somehow prevented?
Either way, I don't feel family has a lot of reason for grief. We were there for him from the beginning to the end. Rolland wasn't going to have many unique experiences with us that he hadn't already had. Though his mother was very devoted and though his father was very devoted, some of his most loving times were in West Des Moines toward the end of his life. Though those at his host home in West Des Moines do not deserve to feel guilt, they feel loss and suffer most.
