Identity Crisis

 

I just had a birthday.  Now my age ends in zero though I don't feel any older.  Do I have sudden urges to buy sports cars or electric scooters?  Might it be time for an identity crisis?

The neighbor just sold their house.  They will rent elsewhere starting a month from now.  It seems sudden.  There was never even a "for sale" sign.  What's the rush?

It is a prime moment for identity crises, as covid-19 starts to wind down.  We've had some time to reflect.  Are we living congruently with our true selves?

I've had various identities through my life.  In high school, there were the standard identities that are still around per the above.  Following that, "what's your major?" led to an answer that was my identity.  Career aspirations tend to define college aged people.  Last month, my alma mater sponsored a Facebook event with actor, Dan Levy.  There were few questions about Dan, himself.  An hour of student questions related to how to get entertainment industry jobs matching the dreams of students.

In my late twenties and early thirties, I had an identity defined by job title.  I was officially a product development engineer. My job title reflected myself better than any previous identity.  I DID actually live my dream.  The job title was distinct from my identity though.  It wasn't so much what people called me.  It was the job activity itself, in support of a company that prioritized product development.  I idealized the product development role as a way to broadly improve the living conditions of the world.

Was I imagining that the focus of the company was changing from year to year?  It took me a year to prove to myself whether what I hoped was still real actually was not real.  My hardest week was when after concluding the company talked about (and no longer actually cared about) product development,  I walked away.  

What changed wasn't me.  Nonetheless, this change led me to an identity crisis.  Was I the person I identified as?  Was I the same as the person others saw?  How can I be a product developer without products to develop?

What do I do after leaving the job title that defines my identity?

This is what I did.  I still do the majority of this.

My Transition Approach:

n  Writers Group
n  Networking
n  Volunteering
n  Travel
n  Season tickets, not TV

A high point of the coping I needed to do was a party I held in 2003 or 2004 for liberated workers.  This casual and fun daytime event with friends outside the 9-5 grind helped me over the stigma that I felt about no longer "earning a living" through a relationship with an employer.  

(Throughout all this time, I have purposefully stayed career adjacent in case, like the college students, I become motivated by dreams about writing for others.)

Intermittently, while in my "liberated worker" days, some saw me and sometimes I saw myself as a traveler, radio host and board member.  

Presently, I define myself by my family and my role as a parent. 

We create our identity by identifying along different axes:

• Geographical (Locality/ neighborhood)
• Religion
• Ethnic
• Cultural  (Race, origin, Disability)
• Political  
• Family
• Sexual 
• Career/Work

My place along these axes is well defined.  

Having just hit a zero birthday, will I reassess who I am?  Will I decide I need to retire to Waimea tomorrow or next year? 

I feel healthy and good.  There is lots of time to assess.  There is no impetus to sell the house.  There is no crisis.

Fantasy Baseball: Urgent, But Not Important

 President Eisenhower classified issues according to a grid.  On one axis was urgency.  On another axis was importance.  Two of the four quadrants are easy to figure out.  If it is urgent and important, it should be priority.  The National Covid-19 response is important (1000 people die in a day) and urgent.  Urgent actions such as vaccine approvals and prioritization processes are decided each day toward reducing the number of deaths.  

What is not urgent and not important is also easy to figure out.  Don't answer that spam call.   Cross it off of the to do list!

Two other quadrants fill out our schedules.    What is important, but not urgent?  What is urgent, but not important?

Urgent but not important is how I might describe our national pass-time, baseball.  For me, fantasy baseball has been the preferred mode.  Something is always happening.  If I know first, I might get the latest closer or promoted prospect for my team.  News is on a minute by minute basis.  John Means threw 7 one-hit innings.  Too bad he was on my bench.  I should start him next week.  No, he pitches at Yankee stadium next week.  For week 3, definitely start John Means and get his two starts.  

When I was in the working world I knew better than to have fantasy teams.  If I were to get a team it might take all my time.  I got a team in 2001 and guess what?  It did take all of my time.  My aunt became a life master at bridge.  She played for ten years and quit.  It was taking too much time, she said.

I do like baseball though.  The fantasy game does keep me informed.  The Twins and Saints this year should be fun even if we don't see as many games as we once did.  Feels urgent.  Doesn't feel top priority important.

Now, the final quadrant.  During the previous presidential administration, there was a circus of provocative statements and actions.  It felt important to stay on top of the latest developments and maybe even to watch impeachment hearings.  But, was doomscrolling something that we needed to prioritize?  Not really.  We missed nothing if we read the Economist once per week.  The travesties felt like they required our urgent attention.  There was little or nothing we could do, though.  Some were responsible for responding.  Thanks, Capitol police!  Most of us were not responsible except on the first Tuesday of the November.  Important, yes.  Urgent, No.

Cleaning my desk-- important but not urgent.  Then again, I really should clean my desk.

Is it important and urgent?  If so, it is definitely worth our time.

Eisenhower focused on what was important.  Eisenhower was a better president than the last guy.